It wasn't always this way....

Remeber yesterday when I said that I went suit shopping on Saturday? I went with my mom. There are few things that I like more than shopping with my mom on the weekends. I remember running errands with my mom when I was really little. She used to take me everywhere. We used to go grocery shopping and to the dry cleaners, to the printer for my parent's business, to the bank to make deposits. And we would talk the whole time, about everything. We usually stopped for lunch, and sometimes she even bought a few things just for me from TJMaxx or Waldenbooks. She could almost never say no when I asked for a book. And she usually didn't care what I read, until she found out that I was bringing "The Firm" by John Grisham to third grade with me (when they tested me in 2nd grade, I had an 8th grade reading level). She told me I could read it at home, but if the school found out she let me read it, they might call DCYF on her.

While my mom and I always had fun shopping together, we definitely had our moments. She says that it went all the way back to when I was a baby. I have three brothers, and they would all let her rock them to sleep. Not me, I refused to putmy head on her shoulder and snuggle. Later, when I was in kindergarten, we would fight because I wanted to wear a party dress and fancy shoes on gym day, like some of the other girls. My mom said absolutely not, and what she says goes.

Things were worse in junior high and high school. Over silly things like cleaning my room. She used to get so frusturated that I wouldn't clean it that she would pack everything on the floor into black garbage bags and I wouldn't see it for weeks. We were just stubborn. It was like a battle of the wills, usually with my father trying to mediate.

When I moved out of my parents house almost 2 years ago, It was because I couldn't stand it anymore. We had a huge fight, and then my parents went to Florida for a week. By the time she got home, I told her that I had found an apartment that I was going to look at. She asked me if M. was going to move in with me. I said that he would be there more often than not. She asked me if he was going to pay part of the rent. I said of course. She asked me what furniture I was going to bring with me. I named off the things that I was going to take, which did not include my twin bed. What about a bed? she asked. Um, I answered, M. has a double bed I am going to use. Oh. She said. so he is moving in with you. I DON'T KNOW I answered. Whatever happens happens, I guess. Stacey, she said. If his bed is in your apartment and he goes home, where is he going to sleep. I DON'T KNOW I said. THEY HAVE OTHER BEDS THERE. Well, she said. Just don't f***k things up and get pregnant. This commment is clasically my mother. Straight forward, honest, and almost no tact. She had a point, though...

The funny thing was, almost as soon as I moved out, our relationship improved. It started when she began calling to check in with me, making sure things were going well. She always called by thursday to see if M. and I were coming for dinner on friday nights. she always makes dinner on friday night, for the small army that is my immediate family. my parents, three brothers and me, significant others, and six grandchildren. Sixteen people, every friday night. On top of the dinner, she babysits three of the grandkids all day friday, because she and my dad don't work on fridays.

Now we do something together almost every weekend. Shopping, errands, church stuff, even just spending time at the house. And we talk about everything. School, relationships, careers, raising kids. She always has the good gossip about people I went to high school with. For the past two years over columbus day weekend we have gone to disney together. it has been fabulous, and she is inceredibly generous. next year, we are planning on going to savannah, georgia. Hopefully, in a few years I will be able to afford to take her on vacation. She is my best friend.

So a few months ago, she mentioned that when my dad retires in three or four years, they are probably going to move. To somewhere like South Carolina. Do you know how far that is? From Rhode Island to South Carolina? I can't even think about it, because it makes it hard to breathe. I laughed when she first said it, because i don't think they oculd do it. our family is really close, and she sees her grandchildren probably twice a week. but she seemed serious, and I was pretty upset about it. I didn't really talk about it with anyone until a few weeks later when M. and I were out to breakfast. I told him what she had said, and until that moment, I hadn't realized how much it scared me. I cried right in the restaurant, and couldn't stop. I cried through breakfast, and was still crying when we got into the car. Crying always feels ten times worse when you can't have a full-blown cry, when you feel like you need to hold it in. It sucks.

This all happened two or three months ago, and I have calmed down a little about it, but I am mostly just trying to not worry about it until the time comes. mean, my parents just re did their bathroom, and are talking about what they are going to do with my old room, the downstairs tv room, the kitchen. why go through all of that work just to move? In the meantime, I look forward to our time together each weekend, and the phonecalls we share at least three times a week. Sometimes it makes me feel bad. I wish I wasn't such a bratty bitch for ll those years, because maybe it could have always been like this. But I know that it wouldn't have been. We needed to fight, and disagree, and storm off on each other in order to realize how great things are. It's all part of the process.