This will cause problems for me later.

I have lost my motivation. It is gone. I have accomplished nothing at work today. I am ready to go home, and it is only 2:00. Of course there are things I could be doing, even though my actual work tasks are still on the skimpy side because it is the beginning of the semester. Instead of reading blogs, checking facebook, and puttng my rose-scented lotion on 65 times, I could be engaged in any of the following activities:

1. creating the questionairre for my research project
2. sending out e-mails to participants of my research project
3. finishing the proposal to send to the IRB
4. reading ahead for seminar and org. development class

there's probably other stuff that I am not even thinking of now. Remember how I said I create problems for myself? Yeah. This is a perfect example. I will probably be up until 3am some night this week trying to get all of this stuff done. Is that enough pressure to get my motivation back? No. Maybe I will get everything out by writing ths post and then work dilligently until 4:00. Chances of this actually happening: close to zero.

Here is a meme i have found on a bunch of people's blogs, and i thought since it's still early on in this blog, maybe this would help you get to know me. so here it is:

(after answering half of the first question, I feel like I need to go back and make this point: I am a gemini. geminis, by nature, have a really hard time picking just one thing. therefore, some of these will have multiple answers...

The perfect outfit: Dark denim jeans, cowboy boots, a stylish but comfy top or sweater, interesting jewelry. OR something sex but classy that fits well and has a knee-length skirt. preferably ni black. could be a seperate top and bottom...

The perfect meal: a very nice cut of beef (steak) cooked medium rare, a spinach salad with pears, candied pecans, gorgonzola, and dried cranberry, mashed potatoes, sauteed brussels sprouts.

The perfect hangover cure: the biggest diet pepsi you can find, hopefully form a fountain soda machine and a ham egg and cheese on a plain bagel toasted from dunkin donuts

The perfect drink: margaritas that come out of smoothie machines, Concannon vineyards limited edition syrah wine (so good hejo went back and bought the last 6 bottles...) sea breeze (cranberry, grapefruit, vodka), my sister in law P. homemade sangria.

The perfect song: Konstantine by Something Corporate

The perfect sign of affection: Saving the last bite for me...

The perfect afternoon: out of work early, sunny outside, good music on the radio, mike at home when i get there, chris and alicia's for dinner

The perfect vacation: somewhere with my whole family.

The perfect invention: spanx power panties. seriously.

The perfect type of wedding: one that i actually get to have before i need to use a walker to get down the aisle.

The perfect album: Goerge Strait's 50 number ones.

The perfect accent: southern US or scottish

The perfect date: one that mike plans.

The perfect weather: crisp fall days with blue skies and puffy clouds. lots of sun and cool weather, where you can wear jeans and a sweatshirt and feel perfect.

The perfect party: with my peeps from my program, destressing form all of the bullshit we go through OR my parent's amazing christmas parties.

The perfect sport: rugby

The perfect day of the week: saturday

Have a good day!

Weekend Update - Minus Norm MacDonald

When I was in junior high and high school I used to have saturday sleepovers with my best friend L. These fabulous sleepovers would usually involve us being determined to Stay Up! All Night! We usually had pizza and watched some combination of chick movies, like flashdance, dirty dancing, somewhere in time, center stage...The list goes on. Sometimes L. would even do my makeup. She had a really great Kevyn Aucoin book that had makeup made famous by different celebrities. After the makeup and chick movies, we would always hunker down to watch Saturday Night Live (back when it was good, with molly shannon and will ferrel). Everything would be great, until it was time to listen to the stupid Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald. It was so boring I would always be like "I'll just close my eyes for a minute and be all rested for the spartans". And then i would wake up at 8am. The point of sharing this little anecdote with you is to let you know that this is my version of the weekend update, and hopefully you won't fall asleep in the middle of it...

Friday night dinner: In addition to some awesome home made chicken pot pie, my brother J., who is a fabulous cook, also made some amazing Brussels sprouts (no, not an oxymoron...) he cut them in half and sauteed them with olive oil, butter, fresh garlic, salt, and pepper. AMAZING. None of the kids got nekked, but we did manage to make fun of N. (the nephew in kindergarten) about his boogery noise until he burst into tears. It was time to have birthday cake and he was sitting in a chair by himself. I went over to ask him if he wanted some cake, and he started crying and wouldn't stop. I brought him into the other room and he told me that we had made fun of his boogers too much. I almost burst into tears too, because I remember being made fun of all the time when I was little. Partly because I was the only girl with three brothers, and partly because I was a twerp. My mom always said that they only made fun of me because they loved me.If they didn't like me, they would ignore me. Thanks for the support, mom. Anyway, N. calmed down. When he gets older he really will understand that it is how we show affection...

Saturday: Mike and I stayed over at my parents house on friday night because I had a hair appointment the next day where they live, which is about 35 minutes form my house. The bed we slept in made my back hurt, but saturday morning meant a super long hot shower in water that was actually HOT. One of the down sides of living in an apartment in an old farm house is that it takes about 20 minutes for the water to get hot. And by hot i mean slightly warmer than luke warm (is that how I spell that?) and then it may only be warm for about 7 minutes. Not only did I get a hot shower, I also got to listen to my mom's Lovelines CD by the carpenters while I basked in the warmth...(Heather would understand...) The hair appt. was great. I also went to the gym, and our friends came over for dinner. We served awesome chicken pot pie leftovers...(Thanks mom!)

I went to church with my mom and dad on sunday. My feelings about religion are a post for another day, but I really like our new minister (a woman.) She writes really good sermons. She preached about making faith based decisions in areas of your life. It was great, and I was like yeah, I really should try to make sure I am living out my values. Maybe I should be less critical. It lasted for about an hour, until after church when we were making valentines for members of the congregation who are older and don't get out much. There was one woman who kept harping on her husband as he made his valentine:

"WHY ARE YOU GLUING THAT THERE? IT'S A STICKER, IT DOESN'T NEED GLUE! YOU NEED TO WRITE SOMETHING INSIDE! WHY DID YOU WRITE THAT? YOU USED TOO MUCH GLUE! YOU NEED MORE GLUE!

OH. MY. GOD.

I wanted to reach across the table and burn a hole into her with my eyes as I said "Your husband is in his sixties. i. think. he. can. handle. this. SO SHUT UP!

Obviously, I am a super christian...

I spent a lot of time in the car this weekend, and kept thinking about what I wanted to write about this week. I wished I had a little tape recorder. I can never remember how I want to say things when it is time... So, here are some things you can look forward to reading this week:

My Fictional Heroes
Sebastian, or, "Why I have turned into a future (present?) crazy cat lady...
Who I would cast in a movie of my life, part 1
Who I would cast in a movie of my life, part 2

So yeah! That's it! Have a good day!

FRIDAY!

Today is friday, and I must say that I am very grateful for that. Today I signed up for "20 something bloggers", so hopefully this will help me find more great blogs to read and meet new people. Thanks to every one who has been reading and commenting! It's a great feeling. I have decided that for a while, I will try to find 5 blogs a day that I like and to leave comments. We shall see how it goes...

One reason why I love fridays? Because it means that I get to go to my parents house for dinner! Here are some cool things about dinner at moms:

1. There are usually sixteen people for dinner at my mom's on friday nights. Here's the roster:

*Dad, who is a dentist and owns his own practice
*My mom, who manages my dad's office. they've worked together full time for about
15 years
*My brother A., who is 2 years younger than me and is a chemist
*A's fiance L., who has been dating a for about 6 or 7 years
*My brother E., who is a phys ed and health teacher. He is 11 years older than me
*E's wife P., who is a phys ed and health teacher. they've been together since
high school, so i don't really remember her not being around.
*E & P's children:

*C, a boy who is in second grade
*N, a boy who is in kindergarten
*C, a girl who is 2.

*My brother J, who is 10 years older and is a pharmaceutical sales rep
* J's wife M, who is a special ed teacher
* J & M's children

*J, a girl who is in first grade
*A, a girl who is four
*A, a boy who is one
* Me
*Mike

so yeah, that's a lot.

2. we all sit at a huge dinner table that my mom bought online from a company in florida and was hand made in pennsylvania. When all of the leaves are in and it is fully extended, it is 14 feet long.

3. the food is always great. tonight is homemade chicken pot pie (my dad makes the crust from scratch) and ice cream pie for dessert ( my mom made it) because it is L.s birthday

4. there will be good cheese and crackers before dinner, as well as good wine, which I cannot afford to buy myself right now.

5. one of the kids will probably get naked, as a result of escaping from a bath/diaper changing/putting pajamas on. neat.

6. I will feel all of the stress from my week melt away. can't wait.

The Last First Day

I thought about introducing you all to Sebastian (my cat) today, but I didn't have time to figure out how to put pics in the post yet... But then I thought about writing this, so here goes...

Today is my last first day of going to class at the University of Rhode Island. I don't necessarily know how I feel about this. I started going to URI as a freshman in September of 2000. Yes, 2000. FOREVER ago. I remember what I wore on my first day: denim skirt, black sandals, breezy summer white button down shirt, and turquoise and silver jewelry. I started as a commuter student, as I lived about 20 minutes away from campus and my mom is a firm believer in not living on campus for your fist year. I rode in to campus with a woman who lived across the street from me who I had babysat for for a few years. She was a doctoral student, and I completely idolized her. We talked about the best way to drive, where to park, all of the important stuff.

I don't really remember anything else about the first day. But I do remember the first semester. and all of the semesters after that. I saw fliers on campus for the women's rugby club, which i thought was probably the coolest thing ever. So I went to a practice. I remember feeling so sick to my stomach before practice. I was a freshman again. What a crappy feeling. I wasn't necessarily popular in high school, but I was popular in my own right. I felt like underclassmen looked up to me. And now I was on the bottom of the pile again. Rugby practice was great, and for the next two years I spent my fall and spring saturday mornings running non-stop for 45 minutes in the mud and dirt, tackling other women and suffering pinch marks and fingernail bruises on my shoulders from the scrum. The day after my first game, I felt like I had been run over by a dump truck. But it was great! My mom always reacted in horror to my bruised shoulders, but my little brother, who was playing football at the time, would always compare his bruises to mine. It wasn't just about playing the game, though. I got drunk for the first time at homecoming with the team and was told that I "puked like a champ". We went away to new hampshire, florida, and sarnac lake. I had flings with rugby boys. I went to drink ups. I sang vulgar songs. I did a keg stand. Once. For a whole 18 seconds.

A girl that I met on the rugby team was also doing student senate, so I joined too. I was a general member. i found women that I looked up to, who were so grown up and fashionable and smart. I met a boy that i dated and broke up with. i became the external affairs chair, and then the director of communications. younger girls looked up to me. back to the top of the heap... I met friends who were great, especially all of my boys. and the boy that was almost, but didn't pan out. he's in new york, now.

some of the girls from senate wanted to start a sorority. there was drama. and confusion. and looks of scorn from other sorority members who couldn't understand why we wanted something different. we picked a name, colors, a philanthropy, wrote a mission statement. we were scared to death that when we asked other women to join us, they would laugh. we asked. they came. that was 5 years ago. i met some of the most amazing women through this experience, and the amazing women are still there. doing amazing things. hopefully they will be there forever.

I lived on campus for the second semester of my sophomore year with a friend. it didn't go well. I remember having a screaming fight with her in the main hall of the union.

i became an RA in my junior year. fourth floor gorham back. I had freshmen. and i loved most of them... I had a 'special friend', and then i met mike. lots of important, um, stuff happened in that dorm room. when i left it for the last time at the end of my first senior year, I cried. It felt just like when the seever's from growing pains moved all of their stuff out of there house so they could sell it. remember that episode? I remember being traumatized.

I commuted again for the first half of my last year (the fifth year) and then I moved back on campus to be a house manager in a sorority that had been kicked off campus, but the women were living there with transfer students and the house mom they hated. I remember seeing so many slutty outfits and dinners comprised of exactly 3 pieces of celery, 2 carrot sticks, and half a piece of cheese. No problem, more stuffed shells for me.... I remember deep discussions about tanning, bars, and fake ids that I couldn't seem to get away from. I remember when mike got locked out of my room in a pink towel from the shower...

I graduated in May of 2005 with a double major in history and anthropology, after thinking about business, pr, communications, and teaching. not bad, I guess. To be honest, I was terrified of graduating. I was at the top of the heap again. people looked up to me and respected me. i had some power. after five years i knew the campus like the back of my hand. it was great. and soon, i would have to start over again somewhere. or would I?

i looked for jobs for six months, and by january of 2006 I was enrolled again in the college student personnel program at URI. It's a master's program that will allow me to work in student affairs in higher ed. I became the alumni advisor for the sorority. i felt like I was home again.

now it's almost over. for reals. I only have one semester left. I already have my BA, and soon my MS form here, so the chances of me coming back to another degree are pretty much nil. and i probably won't get a job here, which is fine. i don't necessarily want to work here unless I get a dream job with great pay. which doesn't really happen around here. It's weird to think about not being here anymore. I've been here for twice as long i have been in high school. That's a long time. But I am also looking forward to a change. change is good.

So here's to the Last First Day.

Stuff...

I don't know what to talk about today. Work i boring because I am not booked for appointments for the next few weeks, but I am sure my schedule will be full by the end of the week, once all of the little darlings get in trouble for drinkingand need to come talk to me.

Oh! I went into my big boss' office this morngin (not the boss I went to a conference with, the BIG boss) to ask her a simple question, and she asked my opinion about something going on on campus right now. We had a 15 minute conversation about it, where she seemed to value my opinion. Cool. I wanted to say "gee, if you come up with the money to hire me as a fulltime employee next year, we could chat like this all of the time." wink wink. We shall see what happens.

I am freaking out right now about a job. I am really sick of living on $300 a week. But I am super terrified that I won't find one.... So far I will be applying for a special events position at my university which I do not think I am qualified for, and a student activities job at a college one hour away. i always swore that i wouldn't do student activities, but i read the job description and was like, well, if it means eating less ramen, I guess I could deal...

So far my job search encompasses all of the instituions of higher ed in rhode island, and universities within an hour commute. That brings me to Conn College, Mitchell College, and Uconn Avery Point. Not sure what is within an hour commute but in Massachusetts. What schools are in Southern Mass? I am also going to look at local nonprofits, entry level HR positions, and whatever the career counselor suggests. Right now, I just want a slightly (ok, maybe more than slightly) bigger paycheck, and some job security. And if I could not hate it, that would be good, too.

And because I feel like this is a boring, ranty post, here is some stuff about me. embarassing stuff:

1. I must admit, I kind of lovet the new brittany song where she's calling herself Mrs. so-and -so. Love that "oh my god, that brittany's shameless" line. and i love the hannah montana song that talks about "when i see you again". the first time i heard it on the radio i was all like "this is amazing. it's kind of tecno-ey and rocking at the same time, and she sounds a little like joan jett. who is this chick i love her." and then a week later i found out who it was. yeah.

2. on monday I didn't have to work, so i wore my pajamas all day. and then i went to bed. with the same pajamas on.

3. i found out that i like eating white beans out of the can when they are cold. that's what happens when you come home from the gym and make dinner when you are starving.

4. I am going to go to Benny's for new tires instead of town fair because the town fair guy talked me into something that i really can't afford (re: my parents won't pay for) and I have trouble saying no/backing down. oh well, benny's is closer, anyway.

Have a good day!

UPDATE! How my anxiety freakout actually palyed out...

Stacey steps into Hejo's office with sheaf of receipts

"Okay, H., I am going to hand these in. Wish me luck.

H: It's going to be fine. Really.

Stacey walks down hallway to main hallway, sees office perosn who she is supposed to give sheaf of receipts to

OP: Oh, you have your stuff? Lets go look at it

Stacey follows OP, anxiety building. They approach OPs desk. OP sees the super organized, paperclipped sheaf of receipts and says

Great. I wish everyone was as organzed as you!

And the guilt washes over Stacey...

Here are my food receipts.

And the hotel receipt.

And me boarding pass receipt from the way home...

butidon'thavemyboardingthingyfromthewaydown...

but i do have this nifty document sent to me this morning by southwest. and my baggage claim tickets. and the folder my boarding pass came in..

OP: Great. I'll just take it all. Thanks!

OH THE RELIEF!

Why do I do this to myself?

So, the other day I talked about my borderline ocd, which can get in the way of things. What else gets in the way of things? My anxiety. Yeah. I said it. Anxiety. But the worst part is, usually I create the situation to be anxious about myself. And then blow it out of porportion. Sweet. I can remember being really young, like in elementary school, and thinking about the books that I hadn't returned to the library yet that were, like, two weeks overdue. And I would worry about it insanely. Like the borrowed book police were going to come and find me and give me a good talking to. But if I had just returned the books when I was supposed to, there would be no problem, right?

So, I was in Tampa from thursday morning until saturday morning, at a conference where my boss and I presented a poster. Overall, everything was great. About 50 people stopped to talk to us about our poster, which is a decent number considering that the conference was a small one. And my new grey suit looked great. Room was beatiful, king bed with down comforter and down pillows and a chenille blanket. (real chenille, not walmart chenille like I can afford. actually, I can't even afford walmart chenille right now, but that's a discussion for another time...) So, obviously, the trip was a success.

What cannot be called a success? The fact that I forgot to ask for m boarding pass receipt as I got on the plane from Providence to Tampa. I had been warned before I left to SAVE EVERYHTING. Food receipts, even though I get per diem. Hotel receipt. Plane stuff. But i handed over my boarding pass and walked halfway down the gangway (gangway?) and realized that I forgot to ask for the other half of the ticket back. I could have walked back up and asked for it, but wh wants to look like an idiot? (see? WHY DO I WORK AGAINST MYSELF LIKE THIS?). I was like, no prob. I'll worry about it later. And now I am.

So I called southwest this morning, gave my conformation number to Lori, who was wonderful, and she e-mailed me my receipt and itinerary. But I am still worried. This is not the same as a boarding pass. What if it is not good enough? I have the e-mailed receipt, my baggage claim tickets, and the little sleeve that says which gate the plane left from, but no little receipt from boarding pass. WHY DOES THIS MATTER? I should really just go and hand it in, and they will probably say 'no prblem, stacey. This is plenty of information. Thanks for taking the initiative and contacting southwest yourself. Great job!'

But what if they don't? Gah! I really should be medicated...

Who doesn't love packing?

I am leaving tomorrow at 6:45am for Tampa, Florida where my boss and I will be presenting a poster about a media campaign at the university that I work at which centered on alcohol use. A trip tomorrow means packing today! I actually started last night. I must admit, I LOVE packing. I think that it is because I have always been a plnner/organizer, and packing for a trip is the perfect opportunity to do lots of planning and organizing. For example, last night I made a list of outfits i will be wearing, down to the underwear to wear with them...And tonight before I start packing, I will make a big list of everything I need to bring with me, so I do not forget essentials like extra contacts and pills for the plane. (I DESPISE flying). So now, you are getting a better view into what I call my OCD tendancies...

OCD tendancies run a little in my family, one of my brothers is a 'counter', he knows how many steps there are in the places he spends most of his time (from ground floor to apartment door, from first floor to basement at work, etc.) My dad has also always been a perfectionist, and that rubebd off on me too. When I was in grade school and had to make posterboards, he would always help me write the title, whcih included counting the number of letters and spaces in the title, measuring how big the title coulf be on the board, then dividing it be letters and spaces, then making hash marks so each slot for each space or letter was the same... it used to drive me crazy, but at least my title was always straight...

Now, I am definitely an organizer. I like lists, categories, manila folders, color coding, and systems and processes. I also like efficiency. Some of the jobs I have held have definitely reinforced this tendancy of mine. For a few years in undergrad I worked in the donations office, where I would sometimes have to stuff thousands of envelopes in a few days. Each envelope needed to be stuffed with a letter and return envelope. I used to figure out how to fold more than one piece at a time and how to arrange the materials for the quickest stuffing. Sometimes I would have to rearrange the materials two or three times on the table before I decided the most efficient set up. A little crazy, huh? It was only a few years later that I found out that THEY MAKE MACHINES THAT DO THIS FOR YOU. Had the department not been so cheap and had bought said machine, I might be slightly more sane today.

When I started working at a high end clothing store in Newport, my ocd tendancies moved into clothes. We steam each piece of clothing as soon as it comes out of the box and before it goes ont he floor. Steaming. Is. Amazing. You can steam things that don't work very well with ironing, like sweaters or t-shirts. So what did I do? went out and bought a steamer. Now I steam at least one piece of clothing that I wear each day.

Also at the clothing store, we had this back room with lots of shelves where we would store merchandise. The type of merchandise would change with the season, jeans in a massive amount of styles and quantities in the spring, t-shirts in the summer, courduroy pants and jackets in the fall, tons of sweaters in the winter. On the slow days, I would go in the back room and say someting like "how can anybody work like this? the way this stuff is jammed in here, it doesn't make any sense!" But secretly, deep down inside, I was a little tingly because it meant an afternoon of refolding and figuring out the best way to store everything so it made sense and was easy to get to. I like it when things make sense.

So now you know about my ocd. I hope this post did something to enlighten your day. Now I have to go organize my desk...

It wasn't always this way....

Remeber yesterday when I said that I went suit shopping on Saturday? I went with my mom. There are few things that I like more than shopping with my mom on the weekends. I remember running errands with my mom when I was really little. She used to take me everywhere. We used to go grocery shopping and to the dry cleaners, to the printer for my parent's business, to the bank to make deposits. And we would talk the whole time, about everything. We usually stopped for lunch, and sometimes she even bought a few things just for me from TJMaxx or Waldenbooks. She could almost never say no when I asked for a book. And she usually didn't care what I read, until she found out that I was bringing "The Firm" by John Grisham to third grade with me (when they tested me in 2nd grade, I had an 8th grade reading level). She told me I could read it at home, but if the school found out she let me read it, they might call DCYF on her.

While my mom and I always had fun shopping together, we definitely had our moments. She says that it went all the way back to when I was a baby. I have three brothers, and they would all let her rock them to sleep. Not me, I refused to putmy head on her shoulder and snuggle. Later, when I was in kindergarten, we would fight because I wanted to wear a party dress and fancy shoes on gym day, like some of the other girls. My mom said absolutely not, and what she says goes.

Things were worse in junior high and high school. Over silly things like cleaning my room. She used to get so frusturated that I wouldn't clean it that she would pack everything on the floor into black garbage bags and I wouldn't see it for weeks. We were just stubborn. It was like a battle of the wills, usually with my father trying to mediate.

When I moved out of my parents house almost 2 years ago, It was because I couldn't stand it anymore. We had a huge fight, and then my parents went to Florida for a week. By the time she got home, I told her that I had found an apartment that I was going to look at. She asked me if M. was going to move in with me. I said that he would be there more often than not. She asked me if he was going to pay part of the rent. I said of course. She asked me what furniture I was going to bring with me. I named off the things that I was going to take, which did not include my twin bed. What about a bed? she asked. Um, I answered, M. has a double bed I am going to use. Oh. She said. so he is moving in with you. I DON'T KNOW I answered. Whatever happens happens, I guess. Stacey, she said. If his bed is in your apartment and he goes home, where is he going to sleep. I DON'T KNOW I said. THEY HAVE OTHER BEDS THERE. Well, she said. Just don't f***k things up and get pregnant. This commment is clasically my mother. Straight forward, honest, and almost no tact. She had a point, though...

The funny thing was, almost as soon as I moved out, our relationship improved. It started when she began calling to check in with me, making sure things were going well. She always called by thursday to see if M. and I were coming for dinner on friday nights. she always makes dinner on friday night, for the small army that is my immediate family. my parents, three brothers and me, significant others, and six grandchildren. Sixteen people, every friday night. On top of the dinner, she babysits three of the grandkids all day friday, because she and my dad don't work on fridays.

Now we do something together almost every weekend. Shopping, errands, church stuff, even just spending time at the house. And we talk about everything. School, relationships, careers, raising kids. She always has the good gossip about people I went to high school with. For the past two years over columbus day weekend we have gone to disney together. it has been fabulous, and she is inceredibly generous. next year, we are planning on going to savannah, georgia. Hopefully, in a few years I will be able to afford to take her on vacation. She is my best friend.

So a few months ago, she mentioned that when my dad retires in three or four years, they are probably going to move. To somewhere like South Carolina. Do you know how far that is? From Rhode Island to South Carolina? I can't even think about it, because it makes it hard to breathe. I laughed when she first said it, because i don't think they oculd do it. our family is really close, and she sees her grandchildren probably twice a week. but she seemed serious, and I was pretty upset about it. I didn't really talk about it with anyone until a few weeks later when M. and I were out to breakfast. I told him what she had said, and until that moment, I hadn't realized how much it scared me. I cried right in the restaurant, and couldn't stop. I cried through breakfast, and was still crying when we got into the car. Crying always feels ten times worse when you can't have a full-blown cry, when you feel like you need to hold it in. It sucks.

This all happened two or three months ago, and I have calmed down a little about it, but I am mostly just trying to not worry about it until the time comes. mean, my parents just re did their bathroom, and are talking about what they are going to do with my old room, the downstairs tv room, the kitchen. why go through all of that work just to move? In the meantime, I look forward to our time together each weekend, and the phonecalls we share at least three times a week. Sometimes it makes me feel bad. I wish I wasn't such a bratty bitch for ll those years, because maybe it could have always been like this. But I know that it wouldn't have been. We needed to fight, and disagree, and storm off on each other in order to realize how great things are. It's all part of the process.

How is it already Monday!

I don't know how it is already monday...I definitely wish I was still at home on the couch with Sebastian watching TV under the snuggly blanket. The weekend was definitely good, if not relaxing. On friday night I went to Hejo's house for dinner, and it was FABULOUS! I met her fiance E., who made us a wonderful pasta with chicken, roasted red pepper pesto, and butternut squash. This was accompanied by some excellent polenta. We had an amazing bottle of wine, a syrah by Concannon, which I will definitely be keeping my eyes open for.

E. and Hejo live in a new condo about 15 minutes from my house. I must admit, there was a little house envy going on. I really had a great time. Both of them love to talk, which is great. Anyone who knows me knows that I can talk until I'm blue in the face. I got to their house at about 5:30 and didn't leave until 11:30. Lots of talking...

Saturday was spent suit shopping with my mom. I need a suit for the upcoming conference presentations and then for job interviews (which will hopefully come sometime during the spring...) I mentione dto my mom on friday that I would be suit shopping, and she asked me if I was going alone. When I told her that I was, she offered to come with me, which usually means she is willing to pay...This time was no different, and I came home with 3 new suits (we found grat deals, 3 suits for under $300) and new bras and underwear. Hopfully the suits will do their job and I will get a job, thereby not needing to rely on my mom for professioal clothes. and the tires that are being put on my car tomorrow...

unfortunately M. and I had a HUGE fight on saturday night. however, apparently he was in an "angry working mood", because all of the dishes got done, the fridge was cleaned out, I now have 2 new shelves in my kitchen, the annoying closet door has been removed, the porch has been swept clean of pine needles, and the christmas lights have been taken down. At least something good came out of it...

Sunday I organized the closet, and my parents came for dinner, which was great.

Now I am here at work.

And I leave for Florida on Thursday!

I'm still here...

So I really was intending to write yesterday, but things have been very busy at work. I am getting ready to leave for a conference next thursday, so my boss and I have been wrapping things up for our presentation. Even though I missed a day, there is somethng else that I have been pretty good at keeping up on since the new year: going to the gym. I didn't make this a new year's resolution, thogh. Why bother? New Year's resolutions just become another thing on my plate to make me feel stressed and slightly guilty. And because I am actually a very goal oriented person, my list of New Year's resolutions usually spirals out of control, becoming a list of 15 topics, color-coded and followed by itemized and bulleted steps that need to be completed in order to fulfill said resolution, etc. Once I start making lists, it can get a little out of control (we can talk about my tendancies to be a little ocd at another point...)

Whatis the point of the new year's resolution, anyway? I mentioned in my last post that I tended to be a bit of a dork, and one of the things that I truly enjoy doing is googling anything that comes to mind that I might want to know more about. I mean EVERYTHING. So, when thinking about this post, I decided to google the history of new year's resolutions. And come to find out, there was a mythical Roman king named Janus, who had two faces. Janus could look forward and backward at the same time. On midnight on the eve of the new year, it was said that Janus could look at the events of the past but also forward to the possibilities of the future. Huh. so now you have learned someting new.

Anyway, back to the gym. While not a New Year's resolution, it is a goal of sorts, and so far I went last saturday and monday. And yesterday I did pilates at home. And I am doing pilates at home again when I get home form work. So what I mean is that I have been to the gym twice. Perhaps the whole point of this post has been undermined now that I think about it...But really, I plan to continue going.

My gym motivation has arisen from my friend reminding me that we had the opportunity to go to florida again in march. Remember the dream vacation from the last post? Oh yes. I could do it again. If I find the cash. But more important than the cash is the fact that I am in no way in shape to go to florida, unless the only thing that i will be repeating from last year are the lunches at steak and shake... so my goal now is to become florida-worthy by mid march. we shall see...

On another note, office friend H. has invited me to her house for dinner on friday night and I CANNOT WAIT. yay!

New Year, New Blog...

Today is January 7. A week into the new year, and I am just starting this blog, which I swore to myself that I would start on January 1st, with boundless enthusiasm and countless topics to write about. Why a blog now? I have been thinking about it for a while, when funny things or deeper thoughts pop into my head and I think "Now hat would be great in the blog. Seriously." But I thought it was weird to just up and start a blog, so I decided to wait for the new year. It seemed like a good time to start something new. And then the new year came and I was like "yeah. whatever. blog schmog. I have leftovers from the new year's party to eat and DVRd lifetime movies to watch. Nobody wants to hear about this..." But now I am back to work, and slightly more motivated... And I read Molly's blog religiously, and she is always an inspiration (http://theselittlemoments.wordpress.com)

So here is my first entry. Hopefully I will spend this week letting you get to know me (complete with some pics if I can figure that out) and then next week we will get into the serious stuff. To start us off, here is a wrap up of last year:

2006-2007
*I became that last of my siblings to be engaged/married and own a house. And I am not the youngest. super. No, seriously, this is ok. It doesn't keep me up at night. It is not giving me insomnia. Really. It's ok. I'm fine.

*I moved from a tiny efficiency cottage that was built as a root cellar in the mid 1700's to an apartment with a bedroom, livingroom, kitchen, bathroom, alcove outside the bathroom perfect for a computer desk, alcove for washer/drier, basement, and two entrances! It. Is. A. Palace. with a mouse problem, but whatever. Our whole old apartment could fit into our livingroom!

*I adopted a cat named Sebastian who I am now obsessed with. I am fully aware now that if things don't work out with Mike (more about him later...) I may end up as the crazy cat lady...

* I celebrated my 5 year anniversary with my boyfriend Mike on December 31st. (notice how the cat comment came before mike? That seriously doesn't mean anything. Sorry Honey!)

* I went on spring break for the first time at the age of 25 to Naples, Florida with my neighbor and another friend. The week looked like this: drive neighbor's aunt's lexus into town, drink at bar, take taxi home, sleep it off, walk to beach and sleep it off on beach while reading old Jackie Collins novel, walk home, sleep it off, go to steak and shake, go home, get ready, drive lexus into town....for seven days. variations in the plan included shopping and going out to dinner. best. week. of. my. life.

So yeah, more stuff happened, but I do not remember it. Here is what we have to look forward to for 2008:

*Presenting at 2 professional conferences, the first coming up in less than 2 weeks!

*polishing off my resume...

*applying for JOBS!

*Graduating from URI with my M.S.! I get to wear a special hood! (I am also a big dork. more about this later, as well)

*Enduring discussions about my younger brother's house buying plans and wedding plans (if either one of you read this, I want you to know that I love you both and am super happy for you. Mostly... No, seriously. I am. Congratulations!)

*getting to know my work friend H. better. (seriously, we will go out. very soon.)

So there it is, a wrap up and a look ahead to the future, whatever it brings. Hopefully it will bring a job with a starting salary of $45,000. Ad a diamond or a house. Just kidding. seriously. I don't want a ring right now. I am happy where I am. It's fine. I am fine. seriously.